Disney – happiest place on earth? or where old people go to die?

my husband was rammed by a scooter while taking this photo - hence the blur

Since it is December in Florida and time to get into the spirit of Christmas, my men and I are hitting all the holiday destinations. We brought a bunch of friends to ICE last weekend, an event involving long lines, ice sculptures and freaky blue parkas… Much fun was had by all and everyone managed to resist the temptation to see if colored ice tasted like fruit punch….

Monday we went to Disney’s Hollywood Studios to see the Osborne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights, which was actually really pretty and definitely made our holiday hearts grow a size or two. Unfortunately we endured many hours of insane crowds and although I was mentally as prepared as possible for the mind numbing sea of strollers (all Disney Parks have record numbers of those) what took us all by surprise was the sheer number of  crazed old people in “hoverround” scooters! Maybe it is a second childhood, or the desire to watch the grandbabies get hyped up on sugar and the heady Disney drug cocktail of character sightings and merchandise…..

Whatever causes it, it just about blew our minds – my husband ended up playing some form of hypnotic scooter bingo – “look I see three more on the left –  there’s another one –  red one at 3 o clock….”

Other than the severe danger of being run over at every turn, the absolute best part was when waiting in line for a ride, we watched two people ahead of us (who frankly should get out of the scooters and get some exercise – we all might live a little longer) try to take out metal stanchion. (I have finally gotten to use that word in a sentence LOL)

Scooter 1 tried rounding the corner slowly and discovered that the turning radius on her contraption was less than ideal, so she rammed the metal pole (now I understand why those things are bolted into the ground) this of course led to an approximately 25 point turn accompanied by complaints, curses and step by step instructions for her companion in scooter 2 behind her how not to take the turn –  all the while a long line of people behind us muttered menacingly…..

Scooter 2 having witnessed the entire thing choose to ignore all advice and just go with top speed – she hit that same abused stanchion so hard that she and her scooter actually bounced back about a foot – not to be deterred she maintaned her stubborn determination and current trajectory and tried again. After 10 minutes of ramming the immovable object she managed to scrape past it – not by any form of steering – just complete bloody mindedness. Each time she hit the pole – the scooter bounced back and minutely changed her angle!

I am sorry to report that I did not capture any of this on film – I was too afraid that the crazy scooter lady would chase me down and beat me with the grabby stick, then back over me a dozen times….

Merry Christmas!


2 thoughts on “Disney – happiest place on earth? or where old people go to die?

  1. I must say, that’s one thing that I strongly remember from my last Disney trip last year. There were scooters everywhere! And what annoyed me the most about it was the fact that many of the people sitting on them did not require them and would often get many “front row seating” handicap privileges.

    It was frustrating!

    • I totally feel your pain – most people we saw really didn’t need to be in a scooter either – between that and all the 8 year olds in strollers it is a wonder there was room to walk at all….
      Last time my 14 year old and I were at Animal Kingdom he got run over multiple times by strollers and smacked in the face by awestruck pointing tourists with no peripheral vision.
      Steel toed boots and fencing masks are highly recommended!!!

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