This morning’s near death microwave experience….

Microwaves are hardly new technology – I have been using them for probably 20 years or more and I am quite aware that I am not supposed to put metal or hamsters in them.

I will admit that there have been a couple of dumb moments – like when I forgot to vent the rice packet and it exploded all over the inside of the mircowave – or the tiny piece of foil on the edge of a container that created some epic lightning effects before I turned it off – but as a general rule I am pretty “microwave savvy”

So imagine my horror this morning, when freshly showered and ready for work, my microwave tried to kill me….

I made myself eggs and toast for breakfast this morning, using the stove of course because everyone knows that microwave eggs are an abomination. But the perils of dealing with 4 dogs in the morning meant that it had gotten a little cold before I got to them – so I tossed the eggs into a microwave safe container and put them in for 20 seconds to warm them up.

As I walked away from the microwave, holding my breakfast in hand, it exploded in my face!!!! I shit you not – that just happened! I let out a scream partly in shock and also partly because eggs the temperature of hot lava had just landed all over me –  worst of all on on the delicate skin of my eyelid. Clearly the reason there is no beauty treatment involving hot eggs is because it hurts like a Mo Fo – much worse than a bikini wax – trust me!

Perhaps they should have changed the warning from “let food stand in the microwave for a minute before removing” to something people are more likely to pay attention to…. Like “RETRIEVE FOOD AT OWN RISK – EXPLOSIVE FOOD MAY REMOVE AN EYE

So there I stood, covered in exploded eggs in a brand new sweater that will probably never be the same, with a fast swelling eye and 4 very excited dogs – clearly their prayers had been answered since it was finally raining food in the kitchen.

After making sure the eggs hadn’t burned a hole through my eyelid, despite how it felt,  tossing the new egg covered sweater in the laundry and combing the eggy crap out of my hair –  I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and my first thought was to call my husband (who is out of town this weekend) to tell him what an awful morning I was having so he could commiserate, be concerned for my safety etc.

Then I realized, who am I kidding? He will laugh his ass off – as will my 14 year old son when he hears about it. Let’s be honest, anyone who is not you, suddenly covered in exploding food is pretty damn funny  – I would laugh too if I wasn’t crying on the inside…

So feel good about yourselves since you are not going to work with hair that smells like eggs and chances are your day did not start as badly as mine – You are most welcome!

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